There was an interesting article in The Guardian this week, with a psychologist lamenting the fact that men still don’t seek help for their mental health. The article is summarised below, but the full article is available to read here.
There is a clear pattern in men’s mental health: men are far less likely than women to seek psychological help, and when they do, it is often late and during crisis. Despite making up the majority of suicides and addiction-related harm, men account for only a third of referrals to talking therapies. Many still believe there is stigma in asking for help, even though those who engage with therapy typically find it beneficial.
Man Up
One reason is that men are generally socialised to act rather than talk. From an early age, boys lag behind girls in verbal and emotional expression and are encouraged to “get on with it” rather than reflect. When distressed, men often externalise emotions through behaviour – risk-taking, conflict, substance use or compulsive habits – rather than naming anxiety or depression directly.
Therapy itself can feel alien. Talking therapies have largely evolved through a female lens, emphasising emotional disclosure and face-to-face discussion. Many men find this uncomfortable and respond better to side-by-side conversations, practical frameworks, or group settings that offer shared purpose and camaraderie. Activity-based or goal-oriented approaches often provide a safer route into deeper emotional work.
The Role of Shame
Status and shame also play a role. Men are acutely sensitive to hierarchy, and vulnerability can feel like a threat to their standing. Admitting difficulty may feel like exposing weakness, particularly earlier in life when competition is strongest. As a result, many men wait until problems become unmanageable before seeking support.
Cultural myths of self-reliance reinforce this delay. The ideal of the solitary, self-sufficient man makes connection seem like failure, rather than nourishment. Yet therapy consistently shows the opposite: when men experience a safe, non-judgemental relationship, they begin to see that vulnerability is not fragility, but a source of resilience and change.
