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Lack of self-esteem, low self-worth and lack of confidence quietly plague many men as they transit through midlife. And this can show up in many different ways, impacting beliefs, behaviours, relationships and more. Often there is no obvious reason for these feelings, making it even harder to deal with. But through self-awareness and a commitment to change, radical transformation is possible.
This week Paul talks to Tom Jenkins, the author of the book The Drunk Gambler, about a life shaped by low self-worth, addiction, and ultimately a very personal decision to confront his long-standing feelings and beliefs head on.
Tom’s story begins in his early teens, where alcohol and gambling quickly became coping mechanisms for a deeper, unspoken struggle with self-confidence. What followed was a spiral that included drugs, destructive behaviour and profound shame, culminating in a pivotal moment in a Brazilian favela that forced him to confront the reality of his life.
Tom opens up about the often-overlooked issues men face, including sexual dysfunction, emotional suppression and the quiet weight of societal expectations around masculinity. His honesty cuts through the usual narratives of resilience, focusing instead on the uncomfortable but necessary work of understanding oneself. We explore the turning point that led Tom to commit to change, the role of environment in shaping behaviour, the long, non-linear journey of rebuilding a life with intention, and what truly drives lasting personal transformation.
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